


eyes just like mine

by qjett



Series: burned out [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, No Spoilers for Season 7, Season 6 Spoilers, i know lance's birthday passed but i needed a happy ending, klance is kind of an undertone at first, me projecting onto lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 02:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15524541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qjett/pseuds/qjett
Summary: Lance is lonely these days. No one seems to notice.Until they do.





	eyes just like mine

**Author's Note:**

> pretty much based on pepplemint's drawing of lance drowning [which I learned is based on an actual fic. it's probably better than mine]  
> if you want the one with the sad ending, click the previous work.  
> enjoy! (:

Lance wouldn’t really consider himself to be depressed.

Depressed people have a reason to be depressed, you know? They have their lives crumbling around them, financial problems and dead families and sick friends. They feel defeated for totally reasonable reasons.

And Lance didn’t have a reason. _It’s just homesickness _, he just told himself. And at first, that’s what it was. Lance loved being a paladin, don’t get him wrong. He loved saving lives and meeting cool aliens and exploring new worlds, and with his friends by his side, no less. It was all he had ever dreamed of when he was at the Garrison. But…he just wished he could do all that from home.__

__He didn’t voice his doubts. Sure, the team knew of his homesickness. But after the way Keith reacted to Pidge wanting to find her family, Lance kept his mouth shut. He missed his family and dreamed of coming home behind closed doors._ _

__And then Shiro came back – well, not Shiro. Well, kind of Shiro. Whatever – Shiro came back and Lance had just gotten accustomed to the Red Lion. And he knew Shiro was going to return to Black, because he had a special bond with Black that the other paladins didn’t yet have with their lions just yet. And Keith had always been a better pilot than him, so of course he was going to return to Red. And that would’ve been fine, because than Lance could return to Blue and everything would be back to normal._ _

__But Allura had gotten so good with Blue so quickly. Quicker than Lance ever had. She had bonded with Blue so fast and was learning cool new things and making the team so much better. So, if Allura was better in Blue than Lance had been, that just left one paladin out of the picture. Him._ _

__It was too much. He had already felt so much loneliness being on the team. It felt like everyone had a place but him. He went to talk to Keith about it, and Keith made him feel good. He was a great leader – Shiro and the Black Lion hadn’t chosen incorrectly. He was a hothead, sure, and sometimes a downright ass, but he had a good heart. Or whatever._ _

__Lance hadn’t meant for Keith to leave. He knew a part of the reason Keith left was because of him, because of his concerns and doubts. Why Keith would factor that into his decision to leave the team was beyond Lance. He knew he should’ve felt some relief that his spot on the team as a paladin was secured. But the thought of Keith leaving, the prominent gaping hole in the team that Keith had made, it left some kind of…void in Lance. Suddenly, it was like the one person who recognized Lance and made him feel seen just…vanished. Yes, Hunk was an amazing best friend. But he had so much more in common with Pidge, and the two had bonded over their love for technology. Allura would never see him the way he saw her, Coran was always preoccupied, and Keith and Shiro had always been family._ _

__Of course, Shiro disappeared – no, died. Shiro died and Keith turned to Lance. He would patrol around the empty, dark castle until he found Lance. Some nights Lance would sit on his chair in the main control room as the castle cruised through the galaxy. Seeing the lights of the stars and the looming silhouettes 0f the planets put things into perspective for him. He wasn’t Lance McClain, former pilot of the Blue Lion, current pilot of the Red Lion, paladin of Voltron, defender of the universe. He was a man drifting through space._ _

__Those nights, Keith would find him. At first, Keith would just sit in his chair and stare out into space while Lance made small observations. Eventually he joined the conversation, and they weren’t rivals, they weren’t teammates who had to get along. They were men drifting through space. Sometimes, they were even friends. And although they both missed Shiro, they used that common factor to grow closer._ _

__Then Keith left. And it all went downhill from there. Shiro wasn’t Shiro, Allura fell for a dictator, Pidge and Hunk worked on their own problems, and now the castle was gone. It was like Lance wasn’t even a person anymore. He shut down after trying to prove himself over and over again before realizing that no one saw his efforts. And it wasn’t their fault that Lance’s need to be in the spotlight was trumped by every single other problem. It was fine. Because Lance knew his problems were insignificant compared to everything else._ _

__So, no, Lance was not depressed. He was homesick, and he missed Keith, and the team had a lot on their plate. His issues were not important._ _

__He was not depressed at all._ _

__\--_ _

__It felt weird for everyone to be back together again after so long. It felt weird to have added members to their team. Romelle was nice enough, and Krolia had Keith’s familiar stoic nature, and Keith’s wolf-thing was a welcome guest. He liked Lance, but probably only because Lance fed him food under the table and gave him scratches behind the ear._ _

__And Keith. He was older, taller, and so different then when Lance had seen him last. He laughed a lot more, smiled a lot more, and even cracked a few jokes. But he was busy catching up with real-undead-Shiro, which was understandable. They were family, and Shiro had been dead. Lance was no longer a seventh wheel. He was now a ninth wheel. Which was, you know. Fantastic. Whatever. He could manage._ _

__They had all stopped at one planet to refuel and rest for a bit. The inhabitants of the planet were more than happy to lend their royal tower to the paladins for a while. It was a tight fit, but everyone was fine with the somewhat-cramped arrangement. Of course, with Lance being the odd one out, he wasn’t too pleased. But now he was used to trying to speak and someone interrupting him. He probably hadn’t spoken loud enough, anyway. Now, he was used to turning to Hunk and seeing him laughing with Romelle, or in deep conversation with Pidge. Lance probably wouldn’t have understood the conversation, anyway. Now, he was used to turning to animals for conversation. They were probably lonelier than Lance was, anyway._ _

__Although he was used to it, it didn’t mean that this didn’t still suck a little bit. He seriously reconsidered his dream. Was being a paladin really worth it? Seriously, sitting at a crowded table shouldn’t make him feel so damn lonely._ _

__But they wouldn’t keep him on the team unless they really did need him. Right? Shiro had talked about stepping down as the pilot of the Black Lion and letting Keith take the reigns. Lance’s spot as the pilot for Red was completely secured. Unless Coran or Krolia or even Keith’s space wolf wanted to take a crack at being a paladin. They were probably better at it than Lance was._ _

__Lance’s sister used to call him a jack-of-all-trades. Which Lance thought was pretty cool. He used to flaunt it at school. That is, until, someone informed him of the rest of the phrase. _Master of none _. Now if that didn’t just fit Lance like a glove.___ _

____Maybe he could be the entertainment for the team. Like a jester for them to poke fun at. After all, he was just the goofball of the team, right?_ _ _ _

____“Lance,” Keith said. He was sitting across from Lance with Krolia and Shiro on either side of him. He looked so happy, like he finally found his place. _Must be nice. _____ _ _

______“What’s up?” Lance blinked, clearing his throat._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’ve barely touched your food,” Keith commented._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, is it not good?’’ Hunk asked. His eyebrows furrowed in a worried way. He had helped the beings of this planet cook the meal, because he wanted to learn more recipes. And because he was actually helpful._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No,” Lance assured him, “it’s good. I’m just not all that hungry. I think I’m gonna turn in for the night.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you sure?” Shiro asked with a concerned smile. “It’s still a little early.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Time is a construct, Shiro,” Lance replied, getting up from the table._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We were going to teach Keith, Romelle, and Krolia Monsters and Mana,” Pidge said in a singsong voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m real tired,” Lance pressed. “Tomorrow, maybe.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______As he was walking down the halls to his temporary living space, he heard someone follow him out._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey, man,” Keith said in a soft voice as the dining room doors closed behind him. “You all right?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Quiznak,” Lance scoffed, “can’t a guy just be tired for once?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Keith stopped, and so did Lance. He had his back turned from the other man, but he could still feel Keith’s piercing gaze on his neck. “I just…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What?” Lance sighed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know,” he huffed. “I just thought we moved past this. I thought we could talk about things.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You don’t have time for this,” Lance threw Keith’s words from before back in his face. The words he tried convincing himself didn’t hurt him. “You left, and things changed. A lot happened. You changed, I changed. You don’t have time for this.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I have time now,” Keith said quietly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Cool,” Lance replied. “I guess it’s a real shame that I don’t, then.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He walked away and turned into his room, slamming the door. Keith didn’t follow._ _ _ _ _ _

______\--_ _ _ _ _ _

______Lance couldn’t sleep that night. All he could think about was the whirlpool of loneliness and desperation swirling inside of him. Why did Keith suddenly care? And why did Lance care that Keith cared? Why did he care that Keith left and brushed him off?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Whatever was the reason, he lost sleep over it. He lost sleep over a lot these days. It always resulted in an exhaustion that he felt in his bones. He gave up chasing after a girl who had no interest in him, he gave up fighting for attention, and he gave up hope that Keith would come back to him a long time ago. He gave up needing to feel loved, and he gave up loving people who didn’t love him back._ _ _ _ _ _

______He felt defeated. Over nothing! Because there were people enslaved by the Galra, Alteans brainwashed by Lotor, and a million beings with problems a million times more pressing than Lance’s. He tried so hard to get over himself, to just _give it a damn rest, already. _He was going to be home soon, anyway. What did it matter, being lonely and desperate and defeated? Maybe he would stay at home. He could work at his abuela’s bodega on the oceanside in Varadero. He could tell his nieces and nephews stories of his travels in space. He could spend his days tanning by the sea, soaking in the Cuban sun.___ _ _ _ _ _

________That night, he tried to dream of sun and sand, of pineapple mojitos and _ropa vieja _, of happiness and comfort. Of course, he kept waking up every hour due to tornados destroying everything in the dream or coming home and seeing that everyone had died while he was gone.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Some nights were better than others._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance ended up getting out of bed much earlier than he usually did. He guessed. It was hard to tell time when the sun on this planet was blue and was rotated by other smaller blue suns. And when there was no time conversion chart._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He spent his time washing Red and talking to Kaltenecker to combat his restlessness. It was what he ended up doing most nights. Now that the castle was gone, it meant there was a lot less to do. All the team really did now was fly in tight formation for days at a time, occasionally stopping for rest and fuel or distress calls from nearby planets. Even with the Galra empire turning a new leaf, there was still much to fix in the galaxies._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________After a few hours, or at least what felt like hours, Lance heard Coran’s voice rousing the other paladins from sleep and calling them to gather in the tower’s meeting room. He didn’t say specifics, but it sounded urgent so Lance put aside his cleaning supplies and ran up to the deck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Good morning, everyone,” Coran said once they were all together. Everyone looked tired, besides Keith, who had probably been up just as long as Lance had. Shiro and Krolia were also there, probably itching to train or move or do something besides sit around like they had been thus far._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What’s going on?” Hunk asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He was at least dressed in his uniform, which was a start._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“The Rykan rulers of this planet have asked us to help them,” Coran explained. “Apparently, some of their people were carrying some supplies for the colonies and fell into a ravine. They’re been stuck in there, but the Rykans don’t have the tools to help them out. I figured, it’s the least we could do after they’re opened up their planet to us. It won’t be a hard job. They only need about two of you, tops.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I can go,” Lance found himself offering. He had been up, anyway, and Red was ready to go. “I mean, I’m obviously the right man for the job, seeing as I’m such a hero.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Very funny,” Keith deadpanned. “I’ll go with Lance. You guys don’t mind staying here, do you? We might need more hands if the situation escalates.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“We’ll stay right here, Keith,” Allura assured. “Just remember, Rykans are naturally skittish beings and will most likely be frightened by your lions. You’ll have to be very patient and calm with them when rescuing.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Patient? Calm? Keith?” Lance teased._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Oh, relax,” Keith glared._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Call us if you need us!” Hunk shouted after them as they walked away to get to their lions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“And don’t die!” Pidge laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Keith and Lance were silent as they climbed into their lions. Lance didn’t really know what to say to him after last night. It didn’t matter, anyway. Keith was probably just trying to be a good leader – he didn’t genuinely care about Lance’s pity party. Somehow, Lance didn’t feel any comfort from this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They flew for a while before nearing the ravine and flew their lions to a nearby location. Keith had grabbed climbing supplies before leaving and had Lance carry harnesses while Keith carried ropes. The air between them felt tense. Keith let out a discontented noise._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Something feels off,” he muttered, shifting the ropes so his right hand was free to grab his bayard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What?” Lance snorted. “Are your Galra senses tingling?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m serious,” Keith fired back. “I just feel it in my gut. It feels off.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Maybe you should’ve eaten breakfast,” Lance deadpanned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Oh, forget it,” Keith grunted. “Go down there and help those people.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The had reached the edge of the ravine, a big chunk cut off from the ground. It must’ve been what sent the Rykans tumbling below. Lance could feel the ground pulsing beneath him as he looked down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Does the ground feel weird to you?” Lance asked. “I mean, I know it’s an alien planet and all, but...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yeah, it does,” Keith confirmed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“It’s water!” Coran chirped from inside their comms. “This planet is ripe with water – even their suns have water on it. There’s probably a few waterfalls up ahead.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What’s the physics of that?” Lance questioned. “Water on sun. How does that work?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“It’s an alien planet, Lance,” Pidge said. “Don’t strain your brain too much trying to understand it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance exhaled and ignored Pidge. Sure, he wasn’t a scientist like…pretty much everyone else on the team, but he wasn’t stupid. Whatever. Pidge probably didn’t mean it that way, anyway. He was always too sensitive about things._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance started to hook himself up to his harness and loop a rope through for Keith to attach to the ground. “I’ll give them the harnesses and tug on the rope when they’re ready for you to pull them up. Sound okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yeah,” Keith nodded. “And Lance…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What?” Lance looked up wearily. He didn’t want some lecture from Keith. “I can do this, you don’t need to tell me what to do.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“No, I just…” Keith turned away to attach the grappling hook to a rock and wrap the rope around to secure it. “Be careful.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I know how to be careful,” Lance grumbled as he lowered himself down into the ravine._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Remember to be patient and calm!” Allura chirped into the comms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yes, thank you,” Lance rolled his eyes, something he wouldn’t do if Allura could see him because she’d probably kill him for having an attitude._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________As he climbed down, he could see the scrapes of the chunk that fell against the walls of the earth. He couldn’t see anyone looking down, so he figured they must have moved on or hid or something. That was until he moved down and saw a hidden pocket in the rock wall, like a small cave. He moved over a few feet to swing into the pocket and saw a small gathering of aliens._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They were tiny creatures, the biggest about the size of an average eight-year-old child. Their skin was wet-looking and deep blue, and their white eyes were the size of Lance’s pinkie nail. There was probably about ten of them all huddled in a group with small bins of food shoved in a corner. When they saw Lance, they started making gurgling noises that sounded like someone talking under water._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hi, I’m Lance,” Lance introduced himself in a calm voice, keeping a respectful distance from the Rykans. “I’m a paladin of Voltron. I’m here to help you guys make it back home. Is that okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance,” bubbled the largest of the group, “you will save us?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yes,” Lance gave them a reassuring smile. “I have these harnesses,” Lance held them up, “and I’m going to help you guys put them on. Up there, where you guys fell, there’s a man named Keith. He’s the leader of Voltron, and he’s going to pull you guys up. You’ll be totally safe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They made more gurgling noises, but they sounded less panicked from before. “Thank you,” one said in a silky, soft voice. “Thank you, Lance and Keith of Voltron.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Of course,” Lance replied. “Who’s first?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________One by one, Lance helped the aliens with the harnesses and would have Keith pull them up two at a time. Within half an hour, Lance had sent the very last of the Rykans up to Keith._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Is that all of them?” Keith asked in Lance’s comm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I think so,” Lance replied. “I’m going to do one more sweep – you can take them home, if you want to. I’ll take any stragglers I might find, and the food bins they were carrying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Are you sure?” Keith’s voice crackled in Lance’s ear. “I can wait.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“No, it’s fine,” Lance assured him. “Go ahead. I’ve got this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Okay,” Keith agreed. “Good job today, Lance.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance hummed to avoid having to say anything. He just wanted Keith to go and stop talking into his ear. He didn’t need praises from Keith, especially not empty ones. He waited for a bit before doing a sweep of the cave. It was a small cave, so there weren’t many places to hide. Once he was sure he was the only one left. Lance stacked up the small bins of food and other supplies. He was about to head out when he heard a rumble go through the cave. The ground beneath him started to shake, and he let out a gasp when his feet slipped from underneath him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Everything okay?” Keith asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yeah,” Lance coughed. “The ground just rumbled. It was weird.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance! Keith!” Coran shouted into their comms. “The Rykan rulers have just told us that it’s their earthquake season – that’s how the Rykans fell into that ravine. It’s imperative that you two get out with the people you’ve saved as quickly as possible. We don’t know when the next quake will be.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“That would’ve been useful to know before going into this, Coran,” Keith hissed. “Lance, can you make it out alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yeah, you go ahead,” Lance said. “I’ll be just fine. Take them in the Black Lion so you can get out quicker.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Okay, Lance,” Keith sighed. “Be careful.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Always,” Lance uttered. There was something in Keith’s voice that made his heart skip a beat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Just as he was about to pick the bins up again, Lance felt another rumble go through the earth. A hissing sound came from his left, and he turned to see a small stream of water shooting from a hole in the wall. More rumbles tumbled through the cave, and a breaking sound jerked his attention to the mouth of the cave. Rubble was starting to fall from the ceiling and rocks were breaking at the mouth. He went to move again before another bigger tremble knocked him off his feet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He watched as the opening of the cave started to fill with rocks and the hissing of the water became louder. Lance turned to the water, but before he could even mutter “Quiznak,” a strong spray of water hit him in the face and knocked his helmet right off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What the –” Lance spluttered before a rock broke from the ceiling and smacked him right in the head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Everything went dark._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He thought he was dreaming, at first._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________There was this rushing of water in his ear, but other than that it was silent. And he was floating. He thought he was dreaming of the beaches of Cuba again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But it wasn’t sunny, and there were no kids laughing or bells chiming, and Lance’s head was in massive pain. So definitely not dreaming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________His eyes blinked open to a dim cave and the ceiling a lot closer than it was before._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance jerked up and coughed water out of his mouth. The mouth of the cave was closed up from rocks that must’ve fallen from the tremors, so the stream of water breaking through the rocks was making the cave fill up with water, fast. He stood on shaky legs, and the water reached his hips. How long had he been out?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________His helmet was floating a few feet away, so he grabbed it and put it on. It hurt his forehead when he slid it on, and the voices on the comms didn’t help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“–ear to God, Lance,” Keith was saying, his voice tight, “you better answer me, now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Keith?” Lance rasped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance!” he heard from not only Keith, but the rest of the team from back at the tower._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Where the hell are you?” Keith shouted. “I made it back here, but you were nowhere to be found. What the hell, Lance?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“The…the cave,” Lance cleared his throat. “It closed up. Off. The rocks closed it off. The river broke through the rock and now I’m standing in, like, four feet of water.” The water had now reached up to his ribcage._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He rushed to the mouth of the cave and tried to pull the rocks, but they were stuck fast. There was no opening anywhere._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m coming, Lance,” Keith called. “Try to get out. I’m coming to get you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Keith…” Lance’s voice strained as he tried to pull at the rocks. “Dammit! They’re too slippery, they feel like seaweed. Fuck!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He kept pulling and pulling to no avail. His eyes were starting to sting as he felt tears cloud his eyes, and his throat was closing like it always did when he was about to cry. “Fuck,” he repeated, his voice thick._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance,” Hunk said, sounding like he was already crying, “you can’t give up. Keith and Allura are going over there now, you have to keep trying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I can’t!” Lance cried. His cheeks were hot and tears trailed down his face. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! It’s too slippery, I-I can’t get a good – ugh – grip!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________His hands slapped back in his face as he pulled too fast. The water was up to his shoulders. There was probably only a foot of space above him, and at the rate the water was filling…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Keith,” Lance sniffed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What?” Keith snapped. “We’re almost there, Lance – fuck! C’mon, Black, c’mon. C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Keith,” Lance repeated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t,” Keith growled. “I’ll kill you if you ever use that tone of voice again.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance, we’re almost there,” Allura pressed. “Please hold on.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Allura,” Lance said, “I know you’re tired. I know. And if you get here and I’m dead –”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“No!” the team shouted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“If I’m dead,” Lance continued, “you don’t need to bring me back. I mean, you can try, but if you can’t do it, it’s okay. You’ve already saved me once, you’ve saved Shiro – it’s okay if you can’t this time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Good thing I can, then,” Allura swallowed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance swam to the top of the cave, the water swirling beneath him. Everything was dark and cold, but if he closed his eyes he could almost imagine home._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Tell my family I love them,” Lance whispered. “Please. I can’t…” He kicked at the rocks, but of course, they didn’t budge._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance, don’t do that,” Shiro begged. “You’re going to be fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Lance,” Keith sounded like he was holding back tears. “We’re so close, Lance. We’re so, so close.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m so tired, guys,” Lance sighed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Well, wake up!” Pidge shouted. “God, Lance, be un-tired!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He pulled off his helmet, not wanting the team to hear his gurgles. He smiled, thinking of all the people he had saved being a paladin. He remembered their food goo fights, the excitement he felt every time they formed Voltron, the smiles and love of the aliens they freed. He could see Hunk cooking, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration as he poured some Altean flour into a cup. He saw Pidge in the glow of the TV light, laughing as she kicked Lance’s ass in a video game. He saw Shiro put his hand on his shoulder, smiling at him like Lance was important and telling him what a good job he did. He saw Allura squeezing his arm as she thanked him for always telling her what she needed to hear. He saw Coran ruffling his hair and calling him son. He saw Keith, his head cocked and his lips giving Lance the softest smile he’d ever seen. Lance wished he could see Keith smile one more time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lance McClain took one last breath as the water filled the cave. He was not depressed, or homesick, or lonely; he was not a paladin, or a pilot, or a hero; he was not even a man in space._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He was nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________"Lance!" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________"Is he okay? You can fix this, right?" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________"I-I don’t…" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________"You can fix this, can’t you? You’re going to fix this." _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________"I’m trying, Keith! But I don’t know – without a med bay, I can’t be sure of his recovery. And I…" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________"What, Allura? You what?" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________"He died before. He died and I’ve never heard of a human being brought back to life twice. He barely pushed through the first time." _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________"Well, then, it’s a good fucking thing you’re doing it now, isn’t it, Princess?" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Silence. Pain._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________"I can’t…I can’t lose him, Allura. I have my mom back, I have Shiro back, we’re all together now…I can’t lose him. Please." _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________He wanted to make fun of Keith. Why? Who was Keith? He sounded sad and angry. Why make fun of someone sad and angry? _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________"Okay I – I did it! Ha! I did it!" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________"Lance? Lance, please wake up. Please…" _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________His head hurt. His chest hurt. His nose burned like he snorted something harsh. Everything was quiet and cold. He wanted to open his eyes, but it was like they were glued shut. Where was he?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“– you not tell me? Tell us?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“I-I don’t know, things were just so hectic, I –”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Allura, this is not some silly little children’s secret. This is big. He died, dammit! He died, and no one asked him about it. No one cared. You can’t just sweep that under the rug, Allura!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Keith, you need to calm down. We’re all worried about Lance and yelling at each other for past mistakes is not helping anything. If you want to be the best leader this team has, you need to learn that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Whatever, Shiro. I’m leaving.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________No _, he thought. _No, don’t go. I like the sound of your voice. You care.____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“Is he…is he going to be okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“We’re…not sure. If we had the med bay he’d be okay, but with Allura just barely able to heal him – which is not your fault, Princess. You saved his life.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“I know, Coran. It just…it feels like I could’ve done more.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“You did more than enough, Allura. More than we could have done.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“Pidge is right. And besides, on Earth, people drown and survive all the time. Lance is going to be fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“This water is different. It’s colder, much too cold for a human. It was so hard getting those rocks out of the way, plus he hit his head…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“It’s okay, Princess. It’s going to be okay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________It fell quiet. He wondered who the people in the room were talking about. Something in the back of his mind told him it was him. So, he was Lance? He sounded like he was in bad shape._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________There was shuffling, and a hand at his shoulder. It felt heavy, but gentle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________“You’re gonna pull through, buddy. You have to. If you don’t…we won’t survive it. Please, Lance, pull through.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________Please wake up. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________Lance was pulled out of his sleep. His eyes still would not open. Who was speaking?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________“Lance, please. I can’t lose you. If you don’t live, I can’t…I won’t…” A sigh. A noise that sounded like someone was clearing their throat. No, not someone. Keith. “I left. I left and I’m so sorry I left. I mean, I had to. And I learned a lot about myself. But I wish I could’ve found a way to keep in contact, I –” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________“I missed you. Now I have everything I ever needed – my mom, a new family, and you. So, don’t screw that up, okay? I want you, too, because if I don’t have you then what is all this for? What’s the point of becoming a better pilot, a better leader, a better _person _, if you’re not there goading me on and challenging me every step of the way? I left, and I changed for the better. But you didn’t, Lance. Somewhere along the way you lost pieces of yourself. And I brushed you off, telling you I didn’t have time for you.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“But I have time now, Lance,” At this point Lance could not only hear the tears but feel them on his arms as Keith gripped his hand like a lifeline. “If you pull through, I will make time. I will make all the time in the world for you, forever and ever until we’re older than sin and on our deathbeds. It’s not your time, Lance, because we haven’t had time. We haven’t…we haven’t. We just haven’t. You need to fight like hell, because we need you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“You may not think that we need you. I’ve seen you lately – I’ve seen you brush Hunk and Pidge off when they invite you to play games, I’ve seen you not even bother to flirt with Allura, I’ve seen _you _, Lance. You talk to the animals. You work on Red. You volunteer to go off alone whenever the opportunity arises. And I know how that feels, to feel completely alone. And I’m sorry you feel that. But the difference is, you’re not alone. Not by a long shot. You have Hunk and Pidge and Shiro and Allura and Coran, Kaltenecker and Wolf and the mice, and even Romelle and Krolia. And me. You have me. You will always have me.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“So, please,” Keith begged. His voice was raw and full of pain. “Please wake up.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________Lance took a shaky, hard breath. “You…you named your fucking wolf ‘Wolf’?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________He cracked open his eyes and the light almost blinded him. He hissed, shutting his eyes before slowly opening them again. Keith was staring at him with his mouth open and tears pouring down his face. Lance was pleased to note that Keith was not a pretty crier. His face was blotchy, his eyes were puffy, and there was snot glistening under his septum. Somehow, though, it made Lance’s heart skip a beat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Hey, mullet,” Lance croaked. “You cryin’ over me?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“How much did you hear?” Keith whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“All of it,” Lance grinned. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you love me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“You heard me,” Keith grit his teeth. “You heard me pour my fucking heart out, and all you have to say is some comment on the name of my wolf?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“You named it Wolf, Keith,” Lance said matter-of-factly. “That needed to be addressed before anything else.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Oh, my…” Keith put his forehead against Lance’s hand, the one he had been holding all this time. “Oh, my God.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“For the record,” Lance rasped, “if it’s any consolation, I feel the same way.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________Keith looked up, and he did something magical. His head cocked to the right ever so slightly, and his eyes went soft. And then his lips quirked into this fond smile, and Lance was in love._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“I have to tell the others,” Keith sighed. “You can rest now. Don’t die on me when I leave, okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Anything for you,” Lance hummed. He closed his eyes for a moment, just to relax, and ended up drifting off to sleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________He woke up a little while later to whispers. When he opened his eyes, the room was dim. He could barely make out the figures of all his friends crowded around him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Hey, guys,” Lance smiled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Oh, Lance!” Hunk burst into tears, wrapping him up in the biggest hug. That combined with the water works the yellow paladin was putting on was enough to make Lance tear up. “We’re so glad you’re okay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“We love you, Lance,” Pidge chimed in, sounding tearful herself. She joined in on the hug, and soon Lance was engulfed by his friends – no, his family._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Happy birthday, Lance,” Shiro laughed, brandishing a large blue cake from behind his back. It looked a little deflated, and the frosting was almost melting, but it warmed Lance’s heart. In messy handwriting, darker blue frosting spelled out “Sharpshooter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“You – it’s my birthday?” Lance whispered. “Oh, guys…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“You didn’t think we would forget?” Coran asked gently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Hunk made the cake,” Pidge said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“We all made it,” Hunk added. “It kept our mind off of… Anyway, they don’t have any eggs on this planet so it’s a little flat, but we made it with love.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Happy birthday,” Keith repeated, his hand tangled in Lance’s._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“Don’t die on us again, okay?” Allura sniffed. “I think I would be so mad that I wouldn’t be able to revive you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________“We love you,” Shiro said softly, the biggest smile on his face. “Don’t forget that for a second.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________They lit the candles made of some foreign wax and sang the Happy Birthday song to Lance – sans Allura and Coran, who still didn’t understand the song – and Lance couldn’t stop the tears from coming. He couldn’t find it in his heart to be exhausted or sad or lonely. How could he, with his family singing to him and a half-raw birthday cake on his lap and Keith smiling at him like he was the only man in the universe? He would not consider himself depressed, not at this moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________He would consider himself loved._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> there! happy ending for all. I kinda realized that I haven't had klance kiss in any of my fics thus far, but i'm writing one currently where they do so stay tuned for that. I guess I like that it doesn't conform to kiss-in-the-rain-and-confess-your-love trope.  
> i also don't mean to romanticize depression. i'm not saying that lance is suddenly cured now because he got the guy, i just ended it the way i ended it because when you're depressed, you still have really good moments. and lance was having a really good moment.  
> hope you guys enjoyed!


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